Here’s the funny thing.
As a grown up and a parent you think you understand a lot of things. When you start to talk to your child about something you kind of have the script in your head. Like..this is what I want to tell him, this is how he will respond and here’s how I’ll explain it. It’s easy. It’s straight forward.
But…it never really is.
I was talking to my oldest son who is now 12…almost thirteen. He is the second oldest of my three children, my middle child and my wild ride through the autism spectrum. He is some of the most awe inspiring, knock the wind right out of your sails kind of conversations I have. He makes me realize I understand NOTHING. When I am very lucky, he lets me into his view of life.
Here’s how it all went. Simple and yet astounding…at least it was to me.
Mom: Hey buddy. Last year we sure had a great academic year. You rocked the school year (which was no easy feat because it was our first year at middle school).
My boy: Uh huh.
Mom: This year, I’d like to make our goal to make a good friend.
My boy: What are you talking about? I have good friends, Mom.
Mom: Really? Buddy, I haven’t noticed any friends. No one came to our house to play last year and you haven’t went to anyone else’s house.
My boy: Well, I wouldn’t want to do that. I don’t want to bother them at home.
And, voila….the boy is absolutely on the mark and Mom never sees it coming. These are the moments when his clarity and his wisdom floor me. These are the moments when I take all my mom-wisdom and realize it’s of very little use when it comes to parenting him. With that simple explanation, the boy shot Mom right out of the water.
He was right.
He is happy with his level of friendship. He is happy with the amount of interaction he is having. It was clear, this was Mom’s issue. We axed the goal and let the boy be and I chuckled as I realized I’d just been schooled by my boy and, once again, autism and it’s brilliance set a new goal for ME. 🙂